Patrick Swayze Was/Is The Man

Like mostly everybody else, I love movies. They’re just an excellent platform of entertainment being that you can take a little adventure over a couple of hours or so and all you have to do is park your hind quarters and pay attention. That being said, I’d like to gush over a movie that I’ve loved since I was a young chap: Red Dawn. I saw this about ten years or so ago, and I think it’s one of the best movies ever. It’s about a group of high school students that take refuge in the mountains because the Russians have started invading the United States, and then these guys adopt their football team’s name, “The Wolverines,” and take action against the Soviets. Doesn’t that just sound awesome? High school students forming a makeshift militia in the mountains to defend their hometown. I think that’s the definition of glory. Anyways, I love this movie because it involves the timeless theme of friendship. The story is intriguing, and you’re pulling for these kids the whole film. You want them to bring the heat down on the bad guys so badly you can taste it. Just like morning breath. Well, you don’t want that, but you can definitely taste it. Never mind, that’s actually really disgusting. Also, I hate sports movies, but this team is one I could back.

The film stars Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen. They play brothers, and they stick together like middle school lovebirds. I was always really stoked about their relationship, ’cause they looked out for one another and kicked a million asses in unison. I think if the Russians did something similar, my brother and I would b-line straight for the hills and do the same thing. How cool would that be? All of my friends and I could camp out and fight bad guys. Maybe I’d have a romantic escapade and swap spit with some babe on top of a forest hill while she clutched the back of my neck with her thumb behind my ear as the autumn air stung my cheeks. Face cheeks, not ass cheeks. That, however, would be hilarious. How cool would that be though? It’d make me smile like bastard, and that’s for sure. So, in order to have the most glorious experience ever I need to have: 1) An army invade the country 2) A clichéd love interest in army regalia 3) A machine gun and/or a hunting rifle, and 4) An ass-load of trees to hide in. Haha, sweet. I’ll keep that in mind in case one of my weirdest dreams happens to come true.

Well Done, Mr. Rogen.

I just saw Pineapple Express last night and it was hilarious. I loved every minute of it. There wasn’t much hype surrounding the movie, and after seeing it, I’m kind of stoked that there wasn’t. This movie didn’t need hype, for anything Seth Rogen touches turns into some sort of comedic gold (…I think I’ve said that somewhere before). I’m not going to give any of the jokes away, but all I want you to know is that Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow are some of the funniest guys out there. They should be writing more films together, and I’m stoked that they (Evan and Seth) are writing The Green Hornet. That should be a blasty-blast!

Anyway, I think it should be noted that James Franco is a phenomenal actor. I’m sure you’ve seen Mr. Franco in serious roles, but unless you’re acquainted with Freaks And Geeks, I think you should check out Pineapple Express to see how funny he is. 

The movie is truly hilarious, and they didn’t rely too much on stoner humour which I found refreshing. Bill Hader is in it too, so it has to be good, right? There’s plenty of action and dialogue that will make you laugh harder than anything else you’ll see this summer. However, I’ve yet to see Step Brothers, so that statement is a little aggressive, admittedly. I just implore that you see Pineapple Express, you’ll dig it, I swear.

“Let’s put a smile on that face.”

Ever since the passing of the great Heath Ledger I’ve been anxiously awaiting the arrival of Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight, and my wait ended at midnight today, or yesterday, well, you know what I mean. The trailers and amount of hype for this film set the expectations really high for myself and other Batman aficionados. I’m not going to lie, I was only stoked to watch Heath Ledger in his critically acclaimed role as The Joker. This review won’t be too long ’cause I want you to see the film for yourself. I’m really only going to focus on one thing, and if you’re familiar with my blogs, you’ll know who/what that is.

Nolan made an amazing movie. The editing and the shots were gorgeous, and this allowed the film to flow with a smooth current that Nolan flawlessly organized. It’s really no surprise that the movie looks good though, we’re talking about Batman here. While watching the film, I was really interested in watching Mr. Ledger as The Joker. Even while watching the trailers, I had a hard time believing that the voice used was actually Heath Ledger’s. He was Australian-born, and we’ve all heard how he speaks in other films, but The Dark Knight really proved what Heath was capable of. The voice and the body language of Ledger’s Joker were what really sold it for me. Of course I was a little biased going into the movie knowing full well that Ledger would steal the show, but once the movie ended I knew that others would concur with my assumption if they didn’t before. I’m not going to spoil anything for anybody, but everything The Joker was involved in elicited an extreme response from the audience whether it was laughter or a simultaneous gasp. It was all golden and Oscar-worthy. There’s been word that Ledger might be nominated for a posthumous Oscar, and I say he deserves it. As far as my opinion goes, I wouldn’t want to ever try to fill the shoes of The Joker or any other super villain after Ledger’s performance. Ledger set the standards to a new height that a lot of actors won’t be able to hurdle. I can’t praise Ledger enough. He’ll always hold a spot in my heart, and I hope all who read this will go see The Dark Knight, for it’ll be the most fun you’ll have in a movie theatre this summer. Mark my words.

It’s Ok, I Still Like You Marky Mark.

I saw The Happening yesterday, and I need to vent. Don’t read this if you don’t want me to reveal the spoilers, ’cause I’m going to. The movie is about plants making people “eliminate” themselves. That’s stupid. I dug The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, and The Lady In The Water had potential, but The Happening was a disaster. Ghosts, aliens, monsters, mermaids and now plants? Seriously? What could his next film be about? I can’t even fathom a possibility. But you know what those other films have in common that M. Night’s latest masterpiece didn’t? 1) A huge twist b) An awesome ending, d) And great actors. The Happening falls short on the majority of these.

The twist here was that the plants were responsible for the deaths, but the audience learns this in the first half hour of the film. The ending was cliché and boring. I was really bummed out because of it. The actors were decent, but I had problems with the casting. Mark Wahlberg is a bad ass, but he wasn’t in this film. He was a school teacher, and Marky Mark wasn’t really convincing in that role. I loved his work in The Departed and Shooter, but he wasn’t great in The Happening. Somebody like Zach Braff would have done a much better job. I was pretty stoked that John Leguizamo was in the flick though, even though he wasn’t funny in this case. So, the actors were alright, but there are others that would have been more appropriate for the roles than the ones who were actually casted.

The Happening was Nightie’s first R-rated film, and I thought he’d take advantage of this given the premise of the film, but he didn’t. All of the cool parts are given away in the trailer. This movie could have been awesome if it were gorier, but it wasn’t, so it’s not. I enjoyed parts of the movie, but I think the quality of films Shymiarrhea is making are slowly getting worse, so I think that it would be more appropriate for him to be writing Goosebumps with R.L. Stine than making movies where Marky Mark plays a schoolboy-bitch.

“Actresses are cheap in this town, and I got a lot of money!”

Howard Hughes was awesome. I bought The Aviator for six dollars a month or so ago and yesterday I finally got around to watching it, and all I have to say is that Howard Hughes was the man. Eccentric? Yes. Neurotic? Or, fo’ sho’. Playboy? Affirmative. Let me just say that I wish I could’ve met him, for I found that he was a lot like me. Hughes hated germs, and I do too, only not to the degree Hughes did. I admire his dedication to cleanliness.

The Aviator was a phenomenal film. Mr. Scorsese delivered. I don’t need to point out the obvious, but everybody should make an effort to see this flick. It’s almost three hours, but the story is intriguing and I rooted for Hughes all the way through. Howard Hughes is one of the most compelling characters I’ve ever seen in a film, and I’m sure he was just as compelling in real life, if not more than the film portrayed him. DiCaprio did an excellent job in regards to his portrayal of Hughes, and anybody who thinks otherwise can kiss my gluteus maximus.